This #selfie says I'm having fun

I have a dear fiend who has no real flaws I can speak of, who has always hated the word 'moist'. Seriously if you say it in front of her she does this weird little shiver and nearly gags. Obviously I say it around her as much as possible because I am that friend, but I only recently began to form some empathy for this friend. I mean how can a word provoke such a visceral response? Really? It's that bad? It is for her and with the birth of the vile word #selfie I finally understand, and it is that bad for me too.

As if the word being hashtagged all over social media wasn't enough, we now have songs about it and it's in the actual dictionary, permanently granting it status in our vernacular. This horrible word is now immortalized and I imagine this will be a much regretted moment in history. Far more so than 'bootylicious'.

The word #selfie takes its origins form a self portrait, and we vain humans have been indulging in this act singe the mid-15th century. However, these works were usually paintings and sculptures and none portrayed duck face or the artist working out in the gym. So how has the #selfie evolved to become what it is today? To me a #selfie is defined by the photographer holding the camera and being in the shot itself, usually captioned with something cringey like 'having so much fun LOL'. A cute photo of you with your friend taken by someone else is not a #selfie, that's just a cute photo.

There's not a day I don't scroll through my Facebook feed and see at least 20 #selfies. All for different imagined reasons, but the only real reason can be that we need a witness. It's no longer enough just to go through life, accomplish your goals and enjoy yourself. Nope, now you have to go through life and document your face at every meal, party, visit to the zoo, trip to the gym, funeral, post-coitus cigarette with the rest of the world. But what baffles me is that people must actually believe that the rest of us want to see all of this shit. I can only speak for myself, but I do not.

I like to take photos and I take #sefies too. I took one last month to raise awareness for cancer research, so I'm not totally opposed, but I think the #selfie sold be used sparingly and with caution. A few days ago I had a particularly bad experience a the hairdresser and whinged all over my Facebook about it and then upon request put up two #selfies of my new hair. However, within minutes I wanted to take them down. Lovely people were 'liking' it and telling me it looked great, and this made me feel really guilty. I didn't put the photos up for praise, but there was praise nonetheless (thank you everyone for being so kind). However, all those lovely people 'liking' my hair didn't make me like it ay more, in fact it made me feel really awful for still hating it. But it is my fucking hair and I can hate it if I want. I now actually feel more self conscious about it because according to my friends I should 'like' it too, but I don't and that doesn't mean that I'm ungrateful for the support of my friends, I just happen to disagree with them and wish I hadn't posted those pictures.

OMG so fun!

Can someone please tell me what the point is of taking a photo of your face with an elephant a la Kim Kardashian? I want to see the elephant. I don't need to see any more of your face, Kim. It's everywhere, thank you. We can see via Instagram, Facebook or Twitter that you took the photo, so why does your face have to actually be in the frame? Is it not enough that you were there? In this particular incident the elephant became agitated with Kim for not getting the photo in an acceptable amount of time, but she still posted the #selfiefail on Twitter. So not only posting the #selfie itself, but letting us know that the #sefie she posted was not what she intended and that she herself recognized it as a failure. Woah. It's like the fucking Matrix.

Let's not forget poor 19-year-old Danny Bowman who tried to kill himself after his 200 #selfie a day obsession nearly drove him to his grave. Is this what it's come to? Are we so #selfie obsessed that we would rather die than not post a #selfie each day, or worse, post a bad #selfie? The #selfie, whether we like it or not is a powerful thing. 

So what happens to the #sefies that get no 'likes'? I always feel quite bad when I see a #selfie float up on my feed with no 'likes'. I have to 'like' it. I feel bad for the 'unliked' #selfie. If you're putting yourself out there it must be for a reason. Why do you think we want to see you at the gym? Does no one believe you when you say you go? Were you asked to produce photographic evidence? Why do we want to see your genitals, Jodie Marsh? And how many 'likes' for her roast beef sammich? Do these 'unliked' #selfies stay on the internet forever? A black mark on your self-esteem for eternity?

What I'd love to see is for you to go out with your friends and have someone take a photo of you all being cute together, don't be just four decapitated trout pouts. If you're busy having fun, don't stop for a #selfie. Keep having fun, or better yet, take a photo of your friends having fun. Your face does not need to be in the photo for us to know that you're there having a totes amazeballz time too! If you really are having #100happydays I'd prefer to hear about it and not just see your face posted with that hashtag. I don't understand it. If you're having an Ellen-type Oscar moment, of course I'd love to see that, but not every day and not when it's just you and a cupcake. We are living thorough a lens, people and I think that some of us are so focused on capturing the perfect moment for a #selfie that we are missing the truly incredible moments of our actual lives.