Some pearls

I just grossed the man out sat next to me with my breakfast. What’s wrong with people that their stomach turns at the sight of a chorizo breakfast burrito? If it were me sat there, I’d have asked where I got it. These train journeys are really quite interesting. A condensed social experiment; who will sit next to who? What will people be eating? Will people sit in their assigned seats or go for the table? Everyone always wants the table. Rebels. These past few weeks have seen me go from Liverpool to Dorset and many places in between. Like a Mormon missionary I’m spreading the word of the work I do and looking for converts. So far this experience has been pleasurable if not slightly manic. I’ve missed trains, been delayed and had 2 people turn up for a talk. But it’s all part and parcel of what I’m doing, or what I’m trying to do, to achieve with this job. This life. For the first time in forever I believe in what I’m doing. I love going to work and I feel like I’m part of something much bigger than me. I don’t feel like I’m the cleverest or that people don’t understand me. I don’t feel dread pool in my belly when my alarm goes off and I don’t feel like I have something massive to prove. I just feel so lucky to be able to do something I love with people I totally admire and respect. At 33 years old I feel like I’ve finally figured some shit out and her are a few of my top tips: 1) Get a degree. You may never need it, I never have, but I’m so glad I have it. It’s taught me how to formulate cohesive arguments, stay focused and to just keep going. It was hard bloody work and I didn’t start and then finish until I was in my 30's, but I’m so glad I did. 2) If you’re not happy with what you’re doing, stop doing it. I’m sure I’ve said this a million times before, but really. It’s true. You don’t have to be miserable. Ever. And if you never try you’ll never know. I quit the one waitressing job that sustained me through 3 years, countless relationships and attempts at school. I hated it, I quit and then I moved to NYC. Now that was probably the hardest time in my life but I still did it. And then when I wasn’t happy there I moved to London. Once you do it once you stop being afraid of trying. Now I appreciate this just sounds like I keep running away from my problems, but I never was. I never had any problems to run from. My life was a boring cycle of drunk/drugged out nights and days I simply slept through. I was bored and I didn’t want to be bored anymore. If you are bored you are not happy. You don’t have to miserable and standing on the bridge to make the changes, you just have to want better and be prepared to go looking for it. Nothing ever worth having is easy and it rarely just lands in your lap. 3) Stop making excuses. Just get the job done. Eating shit sometimes is the easier way to get what you want and to get where you want to go. Arguing with your boss is never a great idea, even if they are wrong. Just eat a bit of shit and move on. Why do you make so many excuses? Seriously think about it. We all do it. It’s a reaction that has been conditioned into us since we could think for ourselves. ‘How do I get out of this?’ Fuck it. Stay in it and see what it teaches you. My old boss taught me this in a not-so-nice way, but it has stuck and I think it’s one of the reasons I've done alright so far.. Whenever I was confronted with something it was my knee-jerk reaction to make and excuse. Example: I was asked by my boss ‘Lee, why are these salt and pepper shakers not full?’ Easy enough question. My response today would be ‘I don’t know, but I’ll fill them now.’ But back then it was ‘I didn’t leave them like that. That’s how they were when I got here.’ Newsflash: NO ONE CARES. Was it my fault that they weren’t full? No, but who cares? Is it really going to make a difference? All it does when you react with an excuse is aggravate the person you are speaking to and take much longer to solve the problem. Eat some shit. Fill the salt and pepper and move on. It shows that you are a team player, that you want what’s best for the team and it really doesn’t matter who was supposed to fill the salt and pepper, they didn’t do it and it needs to be done. 4) Pick good friends. Good forever friends. We’re at an age now where friends shouldn’t be disposable. We don’t need frenemies or people who are going to be bitchy behind your back. Live genuinely and surround yourself with people who do the same. That way you never need to worry about people’s motives or that if you get too drunk and act like and ass no one will speak to you the next day. Surround yourself with people who support you, who 'get' you and who trust you and don;'t fuck it up. Don’t punish your friends for doing the same shit you do. Being idiots together is probably how you guys got to be friends in the first place. Grow with your friends. Don’t expect them to stay the same and you shouldn’t either. You’re always going to outgrow friends, but the ones you love, like really, really love work with them. It's worth it.  5) Wear sunscreen.

A question of sport

As armchair activists pass comment on Facebook and TV channels are changed sympathetically to reruns of Wife Swap many are debating making a choice that shouldn't be so hard to make. This is a crucial time for the LGBT community all over the globe. As more and more states in the USA vote to back same sex marriage this is a real turning point in American history. With Obama's backing, things are looking up for homosexuals in America. In Europe, laws that give equal rights have been little contested in recent years. In fact, 2014 saw same sex activity legal in every part of Europe and marriage or civil partnerships widely legalized.

Now I'm no authority. I'm not even technically part of the community, but I'm a human that sees awful things happening to other humans and that's reason enough to chuck in my two cents. Just because something terrible isn't happening to you isn't reason to ignore it happening to anyone else. I'm reminded of the terribly moving and poignant quote by Niemoller, a German Pastor and anti-Nazi campaigner about the atrocities happening during WWII:

"First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out-- Because I was not a Socialist. Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out-- Because I was not a Trade Unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out-- Because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me--and there was no one left to speak for me." (Friedrich Gustav Emil Martin Niemöller)

Now these were the days long before social media; and the ability to reach huge amounts of people was much more difficult than a Tweet or a 'like'.  Now that we have these tools at our disposal. Why aren't we making more of a stink? The fact that the Olympics are being held in Russia is a disgrace. It flies in the face of what the Olympics actually represent. The ability for athletes from around the globe to compete internationally with each other on an even playing field. But how even is it when people on the streets of Russia are hunted daily for their sexuality? How are the gay athletes feeling right now? Are they more fearful? Are they angry? Surely they are impacted in some way by the extreme prejudice that flows through the veins of the poisonous country. We lie to these athletes and tell them anything is possible. Anything but freedom in the city where they themselves are competing. How is that fair? And what does that tell the LGBT community of Russia? It certainly doesn't tell them that we support them.

Although this isn't the first time that the games have been held in a country with a questionable human rights record. Consider the Beijing Olympics, dubbed "The Genocide Olympics" for their support and continued armament of Sudan. I remember more noise being made about those games and I want to see at least the same fuss being raised about Russia.

I was so humbled by Google changing their doodle to the rainbow flag, and the German athletes, whether intentional or not all kitted out in a myriad of colors. Stephen Fry has made his views heard and has taken to the streets, but Clare Balding is still attending as commentator which I really can't understand. It's like the Olympics shined a big, bright terrible light on Russia's discriminatory laws and behaviors and then once we'd all examined them we've decided to ignore the problem, or at least deal with it at a later, more convenient time.

We can't feign ignorance any more. Even the UN Secretary General is skirting around the issue. He says about gay athletes participating in the Olympics: “I appreciate the assurances of President Putin that there will be no discrimination and that people with different sexual orientation are welcome to compete and enjoy this Olympic Games.” (Ban Ki-Moon)

But what happens after the Olympics? When Russia no longer needs to behave itself? What then? It's just not good enough. We have to demand that more happens, and that it happens quickly. Not when it's convenient for the international community. Russia's local community is under attack now. Watch this program on Channel 4 if you need further convincing: http://www.channel4.com/programmes/dispatches/videos/all/hunted and please turn off the 2014 Winter Olympics.

Of course, it isn't just Russia but Russia's a good place to start.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G5Dv9uLRLJs&feature=share

Stranger than fiction

A good friend of mine posted and article today about how a writer's aspirational figure, Carrie Bradshaw, in time turned out to be a massive disappointment to her and how she is now living the life she was meant to lead free from the inspiration of the character SJP animated. The title of this jolly piece is "How I learned Carrie Bradshaw was full of shit" see the complete article here:
http://www.elle.com/news/lifestyle/the-carrie-bradshaw-myth

As enlightening as this article is, I have to wonder. How much of ourselves is just a bad imitation of something we've seen on TV? Are we just regurgitating other people's experiences in a bid to seem to be living authentically? Surely if someone else is already doing everything you want to be doing in the clothes you want to be doing it it, how much room is out there for you?  It's been done, babes.

Shouldn't we want to carve out our own paths? This woman is so obsessed with this fictional character that she nearly holds her responsible for her failure to become her. FICTIONAL. Of course I get inspired by people on TV. Shit, I'm even guilty of watching Girls and stealing Jessa's hairstyles, but that's as far as it goes. Placing all my faith in a person who isn't real only leads to not being real either. It's OK for me to find Hannah insufferably annoying because she's not really my friend. It's OK for me to buy Marc Jacobs from the charity shop because I don't fucking care that it's second hand and neither does anyone else. No one can see me and no one is trying to.

There is no one hiding in the bushes, secretly documenting your life and secretly screening it on HBO. Fact. I think this is a hard thing to digest for a lot of people. The dreaded online quiz is back telling people what Game of Thrones or Big Bang Theory character they are. How about none of them. As awesome as it would be to be the hybrid of Khaleesi and Amy Farrah-Fowler, neither of those people actually exist. We spend a lot of time focusing on the media influences around us and often forget to just be who we are. To like what we like and want what we want and not what our favorite character on TV likes or wants. 

I don't think this woman fell out of love with Carrie Bradshaw because Carrie changed. She is the one dimensional imagining of someone. I think this woman just grew up and figured out who she was meant to be, despite spending a regrettably long time molding her life after someone else's, and thank god for that. We should all look to take from the world things we love and enjoy. But to Single White Female someone else's life, even a fictional character makes you unoriginal and probably a sociopath. Let's start getting real, ladies and gents and stop playing pretend.