Sunday 27 April 2014

I'm planning on having a really good time.

Recently I read another blog titled '10 Things No One Tells You About Planning Your Wedding'. After wasting 10 minutes of my life reading and then sneering at it, I was slightly in shock. I mean these are the things EVERYONE who is now divorced tells you about planning your wedding. Who are this girl's friends anyway? I think that all of these so-called 'secrets' are actually old bullshit. So I'd like to debunk a few of these myths and give you some handy tips as well. Her original statements are in bold.

1. It's not YOUR day- YES IT IS! When it comes to planning your wedding it is your damn day and you should get to invite who you want and wear a pink dress if that is your vision. If you have a groom who cares, get him involved of course, but every groom knows that the engagement is his time to shine and the wedding day is yours. Sexist? Outdated? Of course! But that's all part of the joy of the institute of marriage. Now this is not an excuse to be a bridezilla, but you get to choose what to eat, who to invite and what to wear. Anyone who tells you differently is an asshole. Don't invite them, even if it is your mother.

2.Your big day will cost more than a car- IT DOESN'T HAVE TO! If you have $30,000 to spend on something, really think about what you want that something to be. A single day for you and your nearest and dearest to get smashed on Cristal? Or a beautiful bungalow with a nice backyard? The choice is yours, but I say split the difference. Spend $15,000 on your wedding and the other $15,000 put aside for a down payment on your future home. My wedding cost a lot less than $4,000 and it was perfect. It is YOUR day remember. Inviting all those people you haven't seen since high school is an expense you don't need.

3. It's time to hit the ground running- STOP AND ENJOY YOUR ENGAGEMENT! The second he puts a ring on it you do not need to have the hall booked. Take your time and do your research. There are some incredibly cost-effective and beautiful original venues that won't be totally booked up five years in advance. Go for a yurt wedding, or hold the event at that old barn you've driven by on your way to work for five years. Use someone's back yard or elope. Planning a wedding the the nth degree is often what kills the vibe and makes you so stressed you forget to enjoy yourself on the day. Take your time and do what you want to do.

4. The DIY touches you pick to save money will be the most memorable- OK I KIND OF AGREE HERE BUT WILL STILL SHOUT! However, the DIY stuff doesn't have to be about saving money. Often beautiful bespoke touches make the day. I got all of my wedding decor on Etsy.com and it was really affordable. Reclaimed logs for candlesticks, dried wreaths for centerpieces, handmade bags of lavender with recipes for how to use it for favours and bouquets of dried hydrangeas for my bridesmaids were all DIY by someone on Etsy.com, and all helped to make the day look beautiful. Shop around, not everything has to cost a fortune.

5. The guest list will be more complicated than a Rubik's Cube- WHY? This does not have to be the case at all. Remember rule number one? It IS your day and people you want to celebrate with should be there. If your mom wants her whole mahjong brigade to come, ask why. What is the point of having 15 people you've never met taking up space at your wedding? She can show them the pictures or they can come to the reception. Your wedding day is stressful, why add to that by trying to remember the names of 50 people you've just met?

6. You will get addicted to Pintrest- THIS IS NOT A SURPRISE! Again, I don't know who this woman is hanging out with, but aren't we all already addicted to Pintrest? Who needs a damn wedding?

7. Dress shopping is essentially a sporting event- DRESS SHOPPING IS THE BEST PART! We're talking about planning the wedding here and this by far is the most enjoyable bit. It should be leisurely and fun and shared with all of your favorite people. If you make an appointment at a few boutiques it should be nothing like a sporting event. Whoever wrote the original article sure knew how to suck the fun out of everything.

8. Everyone will want to know when you are having a baby- THIS IS AFTER THE WEDDING! Not one person asked me about my baby plans while I was planning my wedding. It's just plain rude. Most people wait until the ink is dry on the certificate before they start probing you for questions about your vacant womb.

9. Your sense of rationality will go out the window- I GUESS THIS I HOW YOU SPENT $30,000 ON YOUR WEDDING! This is stereotypical bridezilla bullshit. A bunch of other people's rationality might go out the window, like your mom and her intent on inviting a bunch of randoms to one of the most important events of your life, or your friend who decides to bail on the food tasting so she can go on a date. But your rationality? It should be well and truly in the fucking window if you want this day to work.

10. None of this will matter at your wedding- OF COURSE IT WILL! If you are a soul-sucking Pintrest-mad monster that your other half fails to recognize on the big day, it will really fucking matter. Planning you wedding is supposed to be fun. Most people I know had a really good time planing theirs and an even better time on the actual day. If you want your betrothed to still want to marry you on the day try and relax a little and if you're not enjoying it, hire someone who will.

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