I've been threatening to write blog for years and never had enough sand in my vagina to do it. But alas, things have become a bit beachy down below and this may be the only balm to ease the discomfort.
Earlier in the summer- the child of the dad on Growing Pains released a horrendously catchy, dare I say delightful pop song complete with cowbell and Pharrell Willaims "Woooo"ing all over it. I admit I bobbed my head, I swayed my hips, I was into it. Until that is, I saw the video. The misogynistic machismo-fest that was all bare bouncing tits and flesh-coloured thongs. W.T.F.
Now I love a good tit. Hell, I love a bad tit. I am equal opportunity for tits. But this was tits for tit's sake. No reason, no message, no art, just buoyant titties strutting across the screen in comfortable footwear. On a side-note, this was the only upside to this raunchy sausage-tickler. At least these idiots had the good sense to appreciate that heels and tits haven't gone together since 1985.
Despite the good taste in footwear, at some point in this video, these bare-chested beauties walk across the screen next to a wall graffitied with the words "Robin Thicke has a big dick." Like fuck he does. This is as prophetic as the blowjob girl in high school (you know who you are) wearing a pink bejazzled t-shirt that said "Good Girl" on it. It was ironic and cute when we were 17. But a 36-year-old man who is this insecure in himself and his talents that to sell records he employs topless jail bait and professes to the world that he has a massive phallus is to me, one of the saddest things ever.
But wait! It gets better! Tween wet dream Justin Timberlake has just thrown down the gauntlet in an attempt to out-tit the original. In his newest video for Tunnel Vision there are tits everywhere. But what, I ask you is the fucking point? Why all the tits? Do they enhance the music? No. Do they serve the elevate the art of the singers or their videos? No. I'd also like to point out that none of these tits in JT's video belong to his wife. Not one of them. Why not? Jessica Biel has a banging body. I wonder if he asked and she refused on grounds it would ruin her career and devalue her into nothing more that a pair of dancing boobs or whether JT himself knew that this would be the case and therefore never considered asking her to be in it as he refused to objectify her. After all someone loved her, someone didn't want the world wanking over her tits. That person is him and that's why I know that these men know that this is wrong.
These men clearly know that what they are doing is deplorable. The only ones enjoying this are the same douches who would high-five each other after date rape and circle jerk at summer camp. There is no reason for these beautiful women to be half, well nearly all naked and I can't help but wonder why they would do it anyway. Money? Of course there's that. Exposure? Any more exposed and they would be in full-on porn. But surely these women don't think that this is a good career move. And if they do, we as women who know better should refuse to support this bullshit. Our kids (well yours, I have none) walk around singinng these songs. I bet you downloaded JT's new album for your teenage daughter. Look with he wants your teenage daughter to grow up to be. A pert nipple in his video. That's what these men are saying to us, to women and we are dancing mindlessly along.
In both videos all the men remain fully clothed. The women are entertaining them, teasing them with their bodies while the men sing "you know you want it" and "you're the best looking bitch in the place." Let me tell you, the second a man calls me a bitch my vagina closes up like an oyster and no amount of shucking will get that baby open again. Yet these topless automatons giggle and brush off the comment with a wave of their hands as if it was a compliment. It wasn't. Ladies, this is what we are selling to ourselves, our daughters, their daughters and it is a big ol' steaming bowl of bullshit. It needs to stop with us.
It is sending a terrible message to both men and women that this is what life is like. Men, you deserve this beautiful, topless woman because Robin Thicke tells you that you do. Young women, your goal in life is to be a cum-dumpster for some guy who will treat you like a possession, but it's OK because he has a big dick (probably not). It is perpetuating the idea that women are nothing more than entertainment. I've heard both men and women I know comment that the women in these videos are "sluts" and "whores". No they aren't. But they are terrible role models. These videos are selling an unrealistic ideal that is dangerous. Plus it's Justin bad fucking taste (see what I did there). Come on ladies, let's stop listening to this shitty music, stop buying it for your kids and let's go play with our tits and enjoy them somewhere far away from these assholes.
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