It's Birfday

So here I sit having turned another year older and I have mixed feelings. On one hand, I feel no different and am happy in my life. I plod along day to day and try and keep my teeny corner of the world nice and tidy. On the other hand, I have a seemingly regressive circle of friends who are making me feel old just by breathing. Stop it, you bastards! However, it is less my beautiful, youthful friends and more the damn media that is making me feel like time is running out for me.

I've been reading lots of things lately about how 30 is the new 20 (written by 30-year-olds, of course) and how there is still time to "do stuff" after you're 30, to make your mark as it were. Phew! I thought this was it. That I'd already blown it. I think the only people making me feel shit about getting older are the people who keep trying to make me feel better about it.

Articles like- "How to Look Good in Your 30's" Ummm...how about the same damn way I did in my 20's! You don't suddenly lose the ability to put on makeup and exercise the older you get...do you? Shit...DO YOU?! How about "5 Tips for a Better Sex Life After 30." What the fuck happens to your vagina after 30?! Why would you suddenly need to figure out sex again?! That's terrifying! "Success After 30?!" Thank God there's still time for me to become successful and thank God you, you far away, impersonal author told me so as I never would have figured that shit out on my own.

I woke up all excited about a day filled with wine and cheese and musicals and have sat down at my computer now filled with anxiety. For what? I never felt like this when I turned 18. The media needs to stop putting so much pressure on us to be "more" or be "better" by a deadline. We'll do it in our own time and your article about that time running out can go kick rocks. It's like a Jewish Mother after you bring home your boyfriend for the first time. Relentless, unwelcome and everywhere just making you feel guilty...about nothing. Fuck off, Mom! It was just dinner!

I like the way I look. Sure, there's a few more lines on the forehead, but I'll get a fringe cut in (and then hate it.) I've become pretty accustomed to the way I shag and I'm sure as hell not holding out any hope that I'll become incredibly successful in the next 7 years, irrespective of what John Hamm did. LOOK at John Hamm! I'm pretty satisfied that I can get up every day, dress myself, go to work and maintain a small, but incredible group of friends. I am OK, you are OK and all of these articles telling us to go and be "more" are written by people just like us who are bossy and need a paycheck. How successful are all these women telling me to do more kegels? How good looking is the author of the article telling me to put a lamb's placenta on my face? Before I take anyone's advice I want to have a look at their faces, their bank accounts and their home-made porn. Deal? 

Happy Birthday to me.