6 things you should already know about your vagina

1. Your vagina is not gross. Fact.
Since the dawn of time people have been telling you that your vagina needs cleaning, that it needs sanitizing and that it is something to be ashamed of.
Uh oh! Do NOT get in that crowded lift if you are menstruating. The ass-hat from accounting will smell your disgusting fanny. Untrue. And if you buy Vagasil or Femfresh you are contributing to the problem. Stop douching and leave your lady-cave alone. It's perfect.

2. Your vagina does not smell.*
Whether it's sour, salty, earthy or nutmegy those are not bad smells. Your vagina is not supposed to smell like cake. I don't want to think about my vagina when I'm blowing out my birthday candles. 
I have never come across a fellow lady perpetuating the smelly vagina myth. If you know of one please stop speaking to her now. It's usually boys that try and convince you that vaginas smell. And Ladies, despite some of these boys having never even been close enough to one to have the slightest comprehension of what it could possibly smell like WE BELIEVE THIS SHIT. Seriously, the next time you see a product on the shelves that men are supposed to dip their balls in to sterilize and freshen them please let me know because errrrrmmm newsflash...balls stink! But you don't hear us going on about it all day long. Because really, who gives a fuck?! If you tell a girl her pussy smells, she will disappear into herself. However, tell a man his balls smell and he will most likely give a little tug on them and give you a shit-eating grin. Stop letting other people tell you that your smell is bad. It isn't * unless it could peel paint, then please don't be ashamed to go to the doctor and sort that shizz out.

3. Your vagina is a vessel of life
Actually that's a lie. Your uturus s a vessel of life, but the vagina is the gateway to the uterus and it's awesome. You can full-on grow a baby in there. A whole other person just chills out and then vacates through this holiest of holies. Don't ever let anyone make you feel bad about the fact that you bleed, that you get cranky, that you have a pube hanging out the side of your bikini, because you know what? You are a fucking vessel of life and that blood, those pubes and those mood swings are just preparing you for motherhood. Or not. Your choice.
On the worst day of my period I'm not half the irrational, crazy mess that Cersei from Game of Thrones is and everyone seems to think she's awesome (she totally is.) If people can have patience for crazy ladies on TV, then they can certainly save a bit of that generosity for the people in their actual lives. You. 

4. Vaginas have pubes
Loads of em'. Pubes are there for you to do with that you wish. However, they have another, not purely aesthetic purpose. They help to absorb some of the shock form the pounding your vagina takes during intercourse. They also prove that you have gone through and come out the other side of puberty. I can't imagine asking a man to shave off his pubes. Why? Sure they absorb the smell from a long, hard day at work, but isn't that sexy? Of course there's also the obligatory pube-in-the-teeth occurrence which in my book is a right of passage. I'm concerned that this latest generation of men will never once know the joy of smiling at a sexual partner post-cunnilingus and having them point out the wiry souvenir in their teeth.
Landscape however you wish, but make sure it's your choice. If you like a baby-bare pun-tang that's your biz, just make sure that it's for you. I agree with removing your facial hair to conform to beauty norms, but anything below the neck is up to you. Personally I love big bush. I say go natural and have a disco-fro between your thighs. Saturday night fever all the way!

5. Your vagina is beautiful 
Whether a discreet crease or an Arby's roast beef your shit is fly. Whether your labia is pink or brown or purple it's gorgeous. Whether it fits nicely inside like a little pouch or it spills out like a flower, it looks like it's supposed to look, so stop stressing about it. Look at it, learn it and bust it out whenever possible. Wear no underwear on a windy day and show it off, unless you're at a family picnic, that's not advisable. Stand over a mirror, buy a speculum, show your friend, watch porn! All lady-bits are pretty, and the more we tell each other, the less likely we are to get self-conscious about them. Complement your best friend's vagina. See what happens. 

6. Grow a vagina!
I'm sick of hearing people talking abut growing a pair of balls. "Grow some balls!" They say. Why? Balls are vulnerable, cold and incredibly sensitive.Balls are the dangly equivalent of that relative who shows up at Christmas just to make you feel shit about yourself and then cry about it. A vagina is where it's at. It's tough, resilient, that shit is self-cleaning! If I had to choose a sexual organ to personify it would for-sure be a vagina. Get on board with me! The next time someone isn't acting tough or brave you tell them to "grow a vagina, dude!" See how that goes over. I'm going to try and get it to catch on.To quote the great Betty White "If you really want to get tough, grow a vagina, that thing really takes a pounding." Preach!