So we have a cat cafe now...

In 1998 someone in Taiwan had a brilliant idea: what if you could go to a cafe to drink hot beverages, eat pastries AND pet cats? What a wonderful thing that would be. And so it was that the world's first cat cafe opened in Taiwan in 1998. This Taiwanese Cat Cafe was incredibly popular amongst Taipei locals as well as Japanese tourists. These tourists must have seen the genius in this idea to capitalize on we, the petloving petless and today Japan now boasts 39 cat cafes. The most in the world, and now we all want one.

Europe has cat cafes in Vienna, Paris and now London. My city. I had been to the Le Cafe des Chats for a treat in Paris and was quite frankly underwhelmed. Cats are nocturnal creatures who are rarely affectionate to those with whom they are closest, let alone a bunch of coffee guzzling strangers all jonesing for a bit of lap action. Neverthless I still wanted to go. So we went. Upon entering we were greeted by a beautiful young French woman (are there any other kind)? She asked us to sterilize our hands before opening the door that might as well have led to the fountain of youth for the amount of people who were lined up outside. Once on the other side of the door Steve and I scanned the room for a seat, or a cat, whichever we could find first. Unfortunately we found neither, so we headed down the stairs into the basement.

The decor downstairs was twee and yet tasteful (French). We found a vacant table across from the kitchen and waited. We were on safari. We 'oooohed and aahhhhed' at anything that walked by our table at a certain eye level. I'm fairly sure I reached out to pet someone's toddler at one point. I was desperate for a little fur affection: a purr, a sniff, anything! After about ten minutes, the feeling of desperation faded into one of hunger and we ordered our lunch. The salad I had was delicious and it was thoroughly amusing to watch the cats as they wandered around freely while us idiots photographed them between bites as if they were rare and wild beasts.

Now for those of you who know me you know that the slightest sighting of fur reduces me to a blubbering, slobbering mess. It is a crime that I don't have a pet and I am exactly who these drop-in centers are designed for. It's like a shooting gallery for the lonely and leasing in the big city. Because of this addiction I had to go and visit London's latest venue promising cakes and company from its 11 feline residents. I can't blame these people. It's a great business model, but London has a lot to learn from Paris when it comes to cuisine. Obvs. Not only does Lady Dinah's Cat Emporium expect patrons to pay a £5 cover charge just for the privilege of walking through the door, but they also serve up pretty tasteless snacks and cakes which are a little overpriced.

The cats all seem well looked after and this is the most important thing, of course. Although most of them were too elusive or asleep for us to get much contact on our visit. But if you want to be an eatery, you need to serve food people want to eat. Upon leaving, a pleasant woman asked us how we found it and I remarked that it would be nice if they dressed the salad as that made up a large portion of my meal. I actually saw the lights turn on in her head when she replied 'that's a really good suggestion!' Surely dressing a salad is not a nouveau concept. She then stated 'we have some balsamic glaze banging around there somewhere. We should use it.' Woah.

I have high hopes that Lady Dinah's will get it together eventually. If not, there are plenty of other people who are surely lined up to do what they do, but better. I never thought I'd say this, but when you're paying £5 to get in and it's billed as a restaurant the cats just aren't enough.

I'm planning on having a really good time.

Recently I read another blog titled '10 Things No One Tells You About Planning Your Wedding'. After wasting 10 minutes of my life reading and then sneering at it, I was slightly in shock. I mean these are the things EVERYONE who is now divorced tells you about planning your wedding. Who are this girl's friends anyway? I think that all of these so-called 'secrets' are actually old bullshit. So I'd like to debunk a few of these myths and give you some handy tips as well. Her original statements are in bold.

1. It's not YOUR day- YES IT IS! When it comes to planning your wedding it is your damn day and you should get to invite who you want and wear a pink dress if that is your vision. If you have a groom who cares, get him involved of course, but every groom knows that the engagement is his time to shine and the wedding day is yours. Sexist? Outdated? Of course! But that's all part of the joy of the institute of marriage. Now this is not an excuse to be a bridezilla, but you get to choose what to eat, who to invite and what to wear. Anyone who tells you differently is an asshole. Don't invite them, even if it is your mother.

2.Your big day will cost more than a car- IT DOESN'T HAVE TO! If you have $30,000 to spend on something, really think about what you want that something to be. A single day for you and your nearest and dearest to get smashed on Cristal? Or a beautiful bungalow with a nice backyard? The choice is yours, but I say split the difference. Spend $15,000 on your wedding and the other $15,000 put aside for a down payment on your future home. My wedding cost a lot less than $4,000 and it was perfect. It is YOUR day remember. Inviting all those people you haven't seen since high school is an expense you don't need.

3. It's time to hit the ground running- STOP AND ENJOY YOUR ENGAGEMENT! The second he puts a ring on it you do not need to have the hall booked. Take your time and do your research. There are some incredibly cost-effective and beautiful original venues that won't be totally booked up five years in advance. Go for a yurt wedding, or hold the event at that old barn you've driven by on your way to work for five years. Use someone's back yard or elope. Planning a wedding the the nth degree is often what kills the vibe and makes you so stressed you forget to enjoy yourself on the day. Take your time and do what you want to do.

4. The DIY touches you pick to save money will be the most memorable- OK I KIND OF AGREE HERE BUT WILL STILL SHOUT! However, the DIY stuff doesn't have to be about saving money. Often beautiful bespoke touches make the day. I got all of my wedding decor on Etsy.com and it was really affordable. Reclaimed logs for candlesticks, dried wreaths for centerpieces, handmade bags of lavender with recipes for how to use it for favours and bouquets of dried hydrangeas for my bridesmaids were all DIY by someone on Etsy.com, and all helped to make the day look beautiful. Shop around, not everything has to cost a fortune.

5. The guest list will be more complicated than a Rubik's Cube- WHY? This does not have to be the case at all. Remember rule number one? It IS your day and people you want to celebrate with should be there. If your mom wants her whole mahjong brigade to come, ask why. What is the point of having 15 people you've never met taking up space at your wedding? She can show them the pictures or they can come to the reception. Your wedding day is stressful, why add to that by trying to remember the names of 50 people you've just met?

6. You will get addicted to Pintrest- THIS IS NOT A SURPRISE! Again, I don't know who this woman is hanging out with, but aren't we all already addicted to Pintrest? Who needs a damn wedding?

7. Dress shopping is essentially a sporting event- DRESS SHOPPING IS THE BEST PART! We're talking about planning the wedding here and this by far is the most enjoyable bit. It should be leisurely and fun and shared with all of your favorite people. If you make an appointment at a few boutiques it should be nothing like a sporting event. Whoever wrote the original article sure knew how to suck the fun out of everything.

8. Everyone will want to know when you are having a baby- THIS IS AFTER THE WEDDING! Not one person asked me about my baby plans while I was planning my wedding. It's just plain rude. Most people wait until the ink is dry on the certificate before they start probing you for questions about your vacant womb.

9. Your sense of rationality will go out the window- I GUESS THIS I HOW YOU SPENT $30,000 ON YOUR WEDDING! This is stereotypical bridezilla bullshit. A bunch of other people's rationality might go out the window, like your mom and her intent on inviting a bunch of randoms to one of the most important events of your life, or your friend who decides to bail on the food tasting so she can go on a date. But your rationality? It should be well and truly in the fucking window if you want this day to work.

10. None of this will matter at your wedding- OF COURSE IT WILL! If you are a soul-sucking Pintrest-mad monster that your other half fails to recognize on the big day, it will really fucking matter. Planning you wedding is supposed to be fun. Most people I know had a really good time planing theirs and an even better time on the actual day. If you want your betrothed to still want to marry you on the day try and relax a little and if you're not enjoying it, hire someone who will.

The evolving face of beauty

When I was a teenager I liked to read People magazine. I used to really enjoy celebrity gossip and features about 'real people' doing extraordinary things, but somewhere along the line People began to lose credibility for me and began to replicate the cheaper, less insightful publications like OK. The issues I looked forward to the least were the Sexiest Man issue and the 50 Most Beautiful Women issue. These superficial annual collections of who in Hollywood was the most visually appealing was disturbing to me, especially because it's the public who vote for the winners and as a result don't vote for those who don't make the cut.

I personally can't imagine what it's like for someone like Christina Applegate to be crowned Most Beautiful Woman, but get no recognition for her acting work. We should be moving away from a society where being pretty or being sexy is seen as a success. Poor Robert Pattinson. I've never herd anyone praising him for his films, but he was crowned Sexiest Man Alive. Is that something you can put on your CV? As much as I detest these beauty contests and feel that they are outdated and cruel, even I was proud to see Lupita Nyong'o on this years' cover.

I was so happy for her because this is a woman who has very publicly spoken out about how growing up she felt ugly because of her dark skin. Her speech at the 2013 Essence awards went viral and even though I was already in love with Patsy from 12 Years a Slave, after listening to Lupita speak, I was in love with Lupita as well. She eloquently articulated her struggle with her looks. How she never saw anyone who looked like her seen as beautiful. Well now Lupita will be that person for girls everywhere. With Lupita taking the crown and Mindy Kaling taking the number 4 spot, it's exciting to see beautiful women of color finally being acknowledged by People and by us as a nation.

With her short hair, perfect smile and flawless skin Lupita looks every inch the cover girl and we can see why she was given this title. But what makes me so happy about this is that she is so much more than her beauty. A Yale graduate and already and Oscar winner, she is showing young girls that you don't have to prioritize beauty over success and that if you work hard and educate yourself you'll be successful in far more than beauty contests.

Lupita is so much more than just a pretty face. But to have Lupita and Beyonce both on magazine covers this month means that a lot of little girls will see themselves reflected back at them instead of the usual stick-thin blonde haired white skinned prototype we've all become accustomed to associating with beauty; and although I'm still not happy with the concept of this issue I am excited about the result.

By the power of Beyonce!

Today is a big day for women. Today is a huge day for black women and I'm sure as hell not planning on shitting on it. Beyonce Knowles, aka Bey, aka Sacha Fierce is on the cover of Time magazine, and on the cover of the most influential people issue of Time magazine. This is a really big deal and as usual, small-minded people want the conversation to be about what she is wearing. Hold the goddamned phone, people. Beyonce isn't wearing any pants!

Now that that's out of the way can we talk about what really matters? A woman on the cover of Time magazine is a rarity, a black woman is like a fucking unicorn. Whether or not she had the inclination to pull on some jeans is so damn insignificant it's actually making me furious. Time magazine is an established, credible publication whose main focus since inception has been on politics and science, so this is a brave move for Time and one I commend. You can't argue with the power of Beyonce. A pop megastar, actress, mother and wife Beyonce is, as the cliche goes 'a woman who has it all' and 'has it all' in a way where she doesn't even need to wear pants on the cover of one of America's oldest and most respected magazines. If Beyonce's success can inspire and influence generations of women, to show us all that compromise does not have to be the answer, she deserves this cover and the title, so let's all shut the fuck up about her outfit and celebrate this victory.

One of my idols, Sheryl Sandberg wrote the profile on Beyonce. Who else better to comment on an incredibly powerful woman than an incredibly powerful woman? Sandberg observes that 'Beyonce doesn't just sit at the table, she builds a better one'. Boom! How people are annoyed by this I will never understand. Yes, Bey beat out president Obama for this title, but when is that last time Obama had you staying up till 2am drunk with your friends trying to perfect the Single Ladies dance? When was the last time Pope Francis got a word put into the dictionary? Bootylicious is a term coined by Beyonce which describes none more perfectly than herself. Beyonce is incredibly relevant and influential and I thank Time for having the vagina to recognize this. And to those who disagree with their decision, I want a better reason why than 'she's not wearing any pants'.

This #selfie says I'm having fun

I have a dear fiend who has no real flaws I can speak of, who has always hated the word 'moist'. Seriously if you say it in front of her she does this weird little shiver and nearly gags. Obviously I say it around her as much as possible because I am that friend, but I only recently began to form some empathy for this friend. I mean how can a word provoke such a visceral response? Really? It's that bad? It is for her and with the birth of the vile word #selfie I finally understand, and it is that bad for me too.

As if the word being hashtagged all over social media wasn't enough, we now have songs about it and it's in the actual dictionary, permanently granting it status in our vernacular. This horrible word is now immortalized and I imagine this will be a much regretted moment in history. Far more so than 'bootylicious'.

The word #selfie takes its origins form a self portrait, and we vain humans have been indulging in this act singe the mid-15th century. However, these works were usually paintings and sculptures and none portrayed duck face or the artist working out in the gym. So how has the #selfie evolved to become what it is today? To me a #selfie is defined by the photographer holding the camera and being in the shot itself, usually captioned with something cringey like 'having so much fun LOL'. A cute photo of you with your friend taken by someone else is not a #selfie, that's just a cute photo.

There's not a day I don't scroll through my Facebook feed and see at least 20 #selfies. All for different imagined reasons, but the only real reason can be that we need a witness. It's no longer enough just to go through life, accomplish your goals and enjoy yourself. Nope, now you have to go through life and document your face at every meal, party, visit to the zoo, trip to the gym, funeral, post-coitus cigarette with the rest of the world. But what baffles me is that people must actually believe that the rest of us want to see all of this shit. I can only speak for myself, but I do not.

I like to take photos and I take #sefies too. I took one last month to raise awareness for cancer research, so I'm not totally opposed, but I think the #selfie sold be used sparingly and with caution. A few days ago I had a particularly bad experience a the hairdresser and whinged all over my Facebook about it and then upon request put up two #selfies of my new hair. However, within minutes I wanted to take them down. Lovely people were 'liking' it and telling me it looked great, and this made me feel really guilty. I didn't put the photos up for praise, but there was praise nonetheless (thank you everyone for being so kind). However, all those lovely people 'liking' my hair didn't make me like it ay more, in fact it made me feel really awful for still hating it. But it is my fucking hair and I can hate it if I want. I now actually feel more self conscious about it because according to my friends I should 'like' it too, but I don't and that doesn't mean that I'm ungrateful for the support of my friends, I just happen to disagree with them and wish I hadn't posted those pictures.

OMG so fun!

Can someone please tell me what the point is of taking a photo of your face with an elephant a la Kim Kardashian? I want to see the elephant. I don't need to see any more of your face, Kim. It's everywhere, thank you. We can see via Instagram, Facebook or Twitter that you took the photo, so why does your face have to actually be in the frame? Is it not enough that you were there? In this particular incident the elephant became agitated with Kim for not getting the photo in an acceptable amount of time, but she still posted the #selfiefail on Twitter. So not only posting the #selfie itself, but letting us know that the #sefie she posted was not what she intended and that she herself recognized it as a failure. Woah. It's like the fucking Matrix.

Let's not forget poor 19-year-old Danny Bowman who tried to kill himself after his 200 #selfie a day obsession nearly drove him to his grave. Is this what it's come to? Are we so #selfie obsessed that we would rather die than not post a #selfie each day, or worse, post a bad #selfie? The #selfie, whether we like it or not is a powerful thing. 

So what happens to the #sefies that get no 'likes'? I always feel quite bad when I see a #selfie float up on my feed with no 'likes'. I have to 'like' it. I feel bad for the 'unliked' #selfie. If you're putting yourself out there it must be for a reason. Why do you think we want to see you at the gym? Does no one believe you when you say you go? Were you asked to produce photographic evidence? Why do we want to see your genitals, Jodie Marsh? And how many 'likes' for her roast beef sammich? Do these 'unliked' #selfies stay on the internet forever? A black mark on your self-esteem for eternity?

What I'd love to see is for you to go out with your friends and have someone take a photo of you all being cute together, don't be just four decapitated trout pouts. If you're busy having fun, don't stop for a #selfie. Keep having fun, or better yet, take a photo of your friends having fun. Your face does not need to be in the photo for us to know that you're there having a totes amazeballz time too! If you really are having #100happydays I'd prefer to hear about it and not just see your face posted with that hashtag. I don't understand it. If you're having an Ellen-type Oscar moment, of course I'd love to see that, but not every day and not when it's just you and a cupcake. We are living thorough a lens, people and I think that some of us are so focused on capturing the perfect moment for a #selfie that we are missing the truly incredible moments of our actual lives.

Holiding out for a hero

Last week the American MTV awards hit our small screens for the 22nd year. Who can dislike a show that gives us such pivotal, career-making awards like Best WTF Moment and Best Shirtless Moment? Say what you like about MTV and its evolution, or as many say dissolution into less of a music channel and more of a reality show bonanza, but I like these awards shows because the nominees are chosen by the public and the winner is crowned based on our votes.

However, I was severely disappointed this year when I read the nominees for Best Hero:
Robert Downey Jr. as Iron Man, Iron Man 3; (Fair, both heroic and smokin' hot) Martin Freeman as Bilbo Baggins, The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug, (I kind-of understand this) Chris Hemsworth as Thor, Thor: The Dark World; (Obvs.) Channing Tatum as John Cale, White House Down; (Huh? What?) Henery Cavill as Clark Kent: Man of Steel (OK, OK I get it. Superheroes were a thing this year)


The award went to Superman. A deserving hero, no doubt, but who is missing form that list? Women are missing form that list. Notably Sandra Bullock for her performance in Gravity and Jennifer Lawrence for her perfect incarnation of Katniss Everdeen in The Hunger Games: Catching Fire. These two movies were huge in 2014. It's not as if these characters would have been missed by the target audience of MTV, in fact The Hunger Games: Catching Fire won Movie of the Year and Best Male Performance this very year. In addition to those two accolades, the Best Female Performance nominations included Sandra Bullock, and Jennifer Lawrence actually won for her portrayal of Katniss, so we can see these two characters as a female, but not as heroes?

Shortly after MTV revealed its nominations people took to Twitter and many angry viewers created a petition to get Jennifer Lawrence added to the Best Hero shortlist. She won the hero award in 2012 for playing the same character, so why wasn't she in the running this year? Unfortunately we can't blame MTV. They don't choose the nominees, we do and we didn't choose any women this year. Shame on us. During the awards ceremony itself, a hero montage was screened that included Katniss, showing us that MTV did indeed think Katniss was a worthy nominee, it was we, the public who failed her.

Katniss Everdeen is a hero, and not just in 2012. The bloody Twilight films won Movie of the Year every year one of it's insufferable retellings was nominated, so Katniss can win again and she sure as hell should at least get a nomination. I'm not even the biggest Jennifer Lawrence fan, I find her goofy schtick a bit too phony and her portrayal of characters with accents diabolical, but I love how she brings Katniss to life. For those of you who haven't read The Hunger Games books, please do. Katniss is not only a hero for being a badass with a bow and arrow and for standing as tribute for her little sister; she's a hero for fighting for what's right, for not knowing how she feels about two very fit boys and for wearing incredibly fierce gowns designed by fucking Lenny Kravitz.

We owe it to ourselves to support positive role models for women and there is none more true and more flawed than Ms. Everdeen. Jennifer deserved the win for being the Best Female and the Best Hero. These two things are not mutually exclusive in life and so should not be at awards ceremonies. Hopefully we'll be able to redeem ourselves the next time a strong, positive role model for women is portrayed on our screens. Superheroes will always be popular. Sometimes female heroes need a little help from us to recognize them as such and to celebrate them.

A hairy situation

When it comes to vanity, there are fewer topics more controversial amongst women than that of our own body hair. How one should wear it, and how much is too much or too little? Should it be shaped like a heart or a lightening bolt? Should there be jewels and dangley baubles down below? Should you wax or shave? Who can keep up with the latest trends when it comes to body hair. Should we all embrace our inner Madonna?

Or should we take our lead from American Apparel (cringe) mannequins?

In this hair today, gone tomorrow world it's hard to know what's best. But ladies, no matter what shape you like it or how much or how little you feel is desirable for you in your pits, bits, face, butt, whatever. I'm really excited about IPL and here are my reasons why:



1. It's effective. How many of us have been disappointed by the do-it-yourself wax strips? I once ripped off a bit of my actual labia majora on one of those things and bled like a pig for hours. And shaving? I don't know about you, but within hours I'm stubbly again and I get crazy ingrown hairs, but not with IPL. Ingrown hairs were once the bane of my existence and since I've been getting lazer treatment, not a one. None.

2. It's less expensive. At first IPL can look expensive. I get treatments for £39 per area. However unlike waxing you don't need to go every month. When I first started I went once every 3 months and now I go twice a year. That's £78 per year compared to the £433 a year I used to pay for waxing. Win!

3. It's a freakin' lazer! You can't argue with science and this is some scientific stuff. The pulsed light from the IPL burns the individual hairs from inside and kills the hair so it no longer grows. This sounds so much better to me than pouring molten liquid on your most sensitive of areas and then ripping it off with force. These lazers are the same ones used for facial rejuvenation, so I feel like in addition to the hair removal, my puss is getting a fancy facial too.

4. It's not always permanent. I know that for some people this isn't a positive, but for me it is. I like changing my Topiary designs. I flit from barely there to landing strip to Game of Thrones quite frequently. With IPL the hair removal is permanent, but more hair follicles will always form. The new hair that grows in is always fine and fair, not coarse and wiry, so it's less aggressive. Think about peach fuzz instead of spider's legs escaping from your bikini.

5. It's less painful. It can feel a little hot at times, but it is nothing compared to having strips torn from your flesh. It can feel like a rubber band snapping in places, but it is relatively pain free.

6. It's gender neutral. According to my therapist, half of her clients are men. It's a less painful, more permanent solution for men. Back, sack and crack is a popular service and though I can't imagine how that rubber band snapping would feel on a teste, apparently it's not agonizing enough to stop treatments.I mean, without meticulous manscaping, how can one be expected to wear this?

7. The service is great. Like all beauty treatments, it's all about your therapist, but with IPL the training is intense and the machines cost over £20,000, so they don't just let anyone use them. I had a treatment yesterday that felt more like a pelvic exam than hair removal and although that sounds uncomfortable, its nice to know that your therapist is dedicated to your grooming goals. She's all about burning off every last one of those hairs and is not afraid to get out the razor and a flashlight to make that happen. It's like the world's smallest treasure hunt and instead of hunting riches, she's hunting pubes.

If any of you are thinking of trying this for the first time I urge you to. It works best for fair skinned dark haired people, but can be effective for most. I use this clinic in London http://nomasvello.co.uk/. They specialize in IPL treatments and do nothing else so they are incredible. They often have really good deals too. If you want more advice or have questions  please do give me a call as I love nothing more than talking about vaginas. Obvs.