Yesterday a popular video filled my Facebook news feed, shared exclusively by my female friends. This video, produced by Hollaback, a non-profit organization fighting street harassment with education started a conversation which I feel is very one-sided. A conversation I'd like to explore further.
In the video a woman walks the streets of NYC for 10 hours and documented 100+ incidents of "street harassment." I put that term in quotes this time because I'm not 100% in agreement that what was documented fits the definition. Harassment is defined as: the act or an instance of harassing, or disturbing, pestering, or troubling repeatedly; persecution. (dictionary.com.) The word "harassment" implies something sinister or lascivious.
There is no doubt that this video documents the fact that on the street people make comments about you: your body- "God bless you Mami. DAMN!"your face- "Smile!" everything else- "I just saw a thousand dollars!" And I'm not defending that. However, those comments are much less prevalent than the many incidents of "how are you today?" that repeatedly get tossed her way and ignored.
I do not consider asking a person how they are or greeting them with a "good morning" or "good evening" harassment. I think this video is painting men a very unfavorable shade by claiming that they are "harassing" this woman when most of them are greeting her and then going about their day. "Harassment" by definition requires repetition and most of these men say something and then walk away.
I am not afraid of men who speak to me. I am afraid of men who follow me, as one does to her, I am afraid of men who openly masturbate at me, as has been done twice to me on the NYC subway and I am afraid of men who shout at me. These are scary things. But I refuse to be made afraid of a man wishing me "good morning."
When I first moved to NYC in 2002 I felt terribly alone. I met the eyes of nearly everyone I passed on the street and I smiled or said "good morning." Not everyone said it back, maybe they were afraid of me. That's a terrible thought. I'm not scary.
I remember complaining about this to my Dad; telling him how no one smiled at me like they did in my small home town. I can only imagine my dad in NYC, remembering those conversations with me and greeting young women on the street. Young women, who like his daughter may have been feeling very alone. The very idea that he could have been filmed in that video and now defined as a "street harasser" makes me feel sick and sad. We have to stop searching for reasons to be afraid of men.
I comment on women's appearances all the time. Right or wrong, that's our culture and we feel like we are invested in, and can judge others' physicality. Think I'm wrong? Look how many copies of US Weekly and Heat are sold each week. We love it. I have most definitely been known to say "wow!" out loud if I see a beautiful woman, or a beautiful man. If they were walking past me with two microphones in their hands you would have heard me. My comments are never meant to intimidate anyone. But regardless of intent, I'd now be labeled a "street harasser."
I was raised that if something is lovely, you say it. Someone might be having the worst day of their life and if you tell them you like their shirt or that they look beautiful, you might improve their day just a little bit. Is it only OK for me to do that if I'm a woman? Or is it not OK at all and we should just stop fucking talking to each other?
Street harassment is a very real thing and it is really, really scary. Please don't misunderstand me. But by this video's definition I am a street harasser. A wink, a smile, a friendly greeting should not cause us to be afraid. Nevertheless I worry this video will cause men to be afraid. To shut up and stop talking to us just in case they inadvertently provoke the opposite response they expected or wanted.
I refuse to victimize myself as a woman and I refuse to vilify you as a man. Please keep wishing me "good morning." I will continue to answer back.
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