But is it rape?

Everyone knows how much I love Kesha (formerly Ke$ha), right? If you don't then you don't know me.

I love her enough to go see her twice, to pay money for her albums (I know all the words to both) and I even watched her really shit show, My Crazy Beautiful Life long after she drank her own pee and everyone else switched off. I. Love. Her.

Today it was reported that she is suing her producer Dr. Luke for sexual assault. She alleges that he, on numerous occasions got her drunk or drugged her and sexually molested her. As if this wasn't sad and infuriating enough, overwhelmingly the public's response is that she deserved it. Because she writes songs about 'brushing her teeth with a bottle of Jack' she should expect to be assaulted. Because she sings 'Pull over, sucker! Now spread 'em, Let me see what you're packin', Inside that denim,' she's earned a good non-consensual pounding.

When the fuck are we going to stop blaming victims for being victims? I don't give a half a shit if she was chugging whiskey, booty-butt nekked on this dude's pool table with her ass in the air. There is no excuse for someone to touch your body without your permission. And what is all this bullshit about 'is it rape?' All this qualifying shit? 'She was drunk so...was it rape?' 'She's continued working with him for so long so...was it rape?' 'She can't remember what happened to her so...was it rape?' Let me clear this up for everyone. If you are sexually assaulted when you are drunk, drugged or even if you are in a long term relationship, it counts.

Weighing in on a crime like it's Tracey Emin's unmade fucking bed. Is it art? Is trivializing a horrific crime that happens to a woman every fucking 45 seconds in the USA.


We need to get rid of this archaic idea that 'real' rape only happens in a dark alley with a weapon wielding stranger. Not everyone runs straight to the police or to the shower and sits in it for hours like the showed us on Lifetime TV, and just because they don't, it makes them no less of a victim.

I read the most rage-inducing story recently of a woman who was raped whilst she was drunk on holiday in a foreign country. She didn't run after it happened, she stayed the night at the party where the crime occurred, too afraid to head out in the strange, dark country alone. She went to the police the following day, but was met with disbelief and slight amusement when she reported that the attack had happened over 18 hours ago and that she had been intoxicated. It wasn't rape, they said, it was regret.

Fewer and fewer women are reporting rape and we wonder why? Nine out of ten women raped on college campus don't report it. Why would they when we sit and judge and mock and shame. I know too many people who have a story like Kesha's and there is always a reason they only talk about it in hushed circles; 'I dated him', 'I was drunk', 'I was flirting', 'It wasn't real rape' 'You can't rape a man.' When are we going to start supporting each other instead, so we don't have to feel so fucking alone? When are we going to start listening and stop all the judgement? Who is it helping?

I am supporting Kesha, not just because I love and respect her as an artist, but because I respect her as a person. The conversation surrounding her revelation is all wrong. We need to stop talking about how many of her songs were about partying and start focusing on how to support people who are brave enough to seek the justice they deserve.