Steve was his usual legendary self and purchased the tickets for me as a gift. Tickets which sold out in less than 1.5 hours and had people scalping them online for as much as £900. Believe me, I thought about it. But I kept hold of these golden tickets to feminist literary conversation, not for the intellectual value, but because I promised to take my friend who is actually a bit dangerously obsessed with Lena.
This is when the cab driver kept telling us to "smile dirty" because he "really liked it." Ew.
I mean, look at us here in the cab dressed as "String vest" Hannah and "Slightly angry feminist" Caitlin. We nailed it. Secretly we were both hoping that everyone else would have been dressed up too. I mean, what an opportunity?! To totally fangirl out and blame it on Halloween. Genius.
Anyway, we arrived bang-on 7pm and set about like rats escaping a sinking ship, except instead of frantically searching for exits, we were looking for liquor. Once located, we leaned against the bar with the desperation of escaped convicts and were curtly told by the bartender that "the queue starts there." She extended her hand and pointed her finger past about 10 people, all glaring at us. Something inside me died and we floated to the back of the line like deflated, apologetic balloons.
After waiting for about 5 minutes (felt like days) we noticed another pair of undesirables trying the same tactic as we had. I recognized one of them as Miranda Hart, beloved British comedienne. "There's a queue" I spoke loudly in her direction. She and her lovely blonde friend looked me in the eye, Miranda cleared her throat and they took thier places in the queue behind us. After purchasing a bottle of fizz, which we regrettably had to empty into two plastic pint glasses a la a high school kegger we went inside to take our seats.
Our seats were taken. Some assholes had nicked our seats and Caitlin was talking. I was missing my idol's precious words being annoyed at some seat-stealing asshats. Thankfully two lovely women moved over and gave us the last two seats in their row. I have to have an aisle seat. Without an aisle seat I will flip the fuck out in a fit of tears and panic.
Caitlin was speaking about how much she admired and supported Lena and her talent. How she was the voice of a generation and how like no one before, Lena was tackling issues of a twenty-something that were before unspoken and hidden. After this generous ego-wank, Lena was introduced and appeared from stage right like a fancily-dressed, green-haired version of herself that was totally expected. She looked exactly like I thought she would, but her walk was very heavy, as if she was trying to make footprints on even concrete. Her gait was leaden and a bit clumsy, but she was small, vulnerable and beautiful.
She read a chapter from her book about nudity, her mother and her work. Her soft, squeaky voice punctuated words and cracked slightly at times. It was soothing, and sweet and made the room noticeably warmer. Lena does what her character Hannah can not do. Lena encourages feelings of admiration, kindness and of soft pillows. Hannah inspires rage and annoyance. I am so happy to see the differences between them. Those who say Lena doesn't act, and that Hannah is just her in smaller clothes are wrong.
Once seated next to Caitlin, Lena mused about meeting Jennifer Saunders that morning and about her obsession with Call the Midwife. "I was watching all the grizzly birth scenes as research for the next season of Girls, but that's all I can tell you."As a lovely surprise Catilin arranged all the cast to be there and called them all out one by one. Miranda Hart, drink in hand, waved. Lena was visibly excited and flattered and said "thank you" over and over.
Caitlin and Lena talked more like old friends and less like fans of eachother's work. There is no awkwardness and when Lena gets stuck on a thought or Caitlin can't find her page there were affectionate arm-squeezes exchanged and I do really feel that whether we were there or not, these two women would have been having a very similar conversation.
The question was posed about how she managed to do as much as she does and Lena revealed that she is learning the word "no." That was women we are told to be amenable and to always accept invitations and do things for other people but as she said, "saying no is the only thing that allows us to keep going and to keep our light on." I totally agree.
Lena and Caitlin both have the uncanny ability to say the things that we all think. To reach into our minds and put the contents on print, or on the screen, or to just say it. It was refreshing and unifying to be in that room in Friday.
This gift of seeming clairvoyance could be, as Caitlin offers, due to a medical condition called Hypermobility Syndrome. Caitlin rattled off a list of character traits that sounded like she was tipping out my essence, in words from a paper bag. Creative, prone to anxiety, easily bruising, inability to hold liquor, extreme mood swings, etc. The look on Lena's face, and probably mine was that Caitlin had just done some crazy-ass voodoo on us, but she hadn't she'd just described some of the traits that help to diagnose a syndrome she suffers with and maybe Lena does and I do too.
It was only when Lena stuck her thumbs below her index finger knuckle joints that I got really excited. "I CAN DO THAT TOO!" I aggressively whispered at my poor friend who smiled sympathetically at me like she would a child who just fell off their bike and gave me a reassuring pat on the shoulder. Lena and I are officially bendy-thumb sisters. This was a big deal.
Other questions ranged from, "how does it feel to be best friends with Taylor Swift?" To which my favorite revelation of the night came about, "I'd love to tell you that you're not missing out on much, but it's the best." (I KNEW IT!) To the predictable questions about body image and the responsibility Girls has to young women.
When questions were opened up to the audience I got in the queue. I wanted to speak to them, to have a genuine interaction with these two incredible women, and I wanted to show them that we dressed up AS them. But they ran out of time as they discussed whether or not one can be racist by omission (the consensus was no) and I had to go back to my seat, which was probably a good thing because I was pretty buzzed from my pint of champagne.
The only disappointment of the night came when we went to collect our books. We were promised when we bought tickets that Lena and Caitlin would be on hand to sign said literature, but this promise was revoked in an email on Wednesday evening. The email read that due to the amount of tickets sold (it was sold out on day 1) that the books would be pre-signed. Ok, well what can you do? However, when we went to collect our books we were then told to email the publisher and a signed "book plate" would be posted out to us. Not OK, Harper Collins, not OK Lena Dunham. Get your shit together.
Despite this anti-climactic end, the night was fantastic. I got to spend it with one of my feminist idols watching our two biggest feminist idols. I can't wait to see what this season of Girls will bring, and I'm actually looking forward to it now that I understand the woman behind the curtain so much better. I know she's not a pretentious, spoiled shit. She just plays one on TV.
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