I’m sure if my Mom was still around I’d have learned these things anyway and undoubtedly more. However, she’s not and hasn’t been for a long time. Today is European Mother’s day, and we are bombarded with images and sentiment that doesn’t apply to many of us. So, for those of us without a matriarch to celebrate today, or for those of you who are raising a child without their Mom, that’s OK. We all end up working things out for ourselves. I’ve been seeing lots of lists pop up from mothers and things they will teach their daughters. Here is a list of things I learned in my formative years without my mom:
1. Don’t be afraid to do well in school.
2. Try harder at school.
3. Set goals and don’t stop until you’ve achieved them.
4. Smoking pot is totally acceptable in your early teens, but never after
5. So is dabbling in witchcraft
6. That game at sleepovers where you make each other pass out is stupid and can cause brain damage.
7. I suck at choreographed dancing, but I’m a killer freestyler.
8. Shame is a waste of thought that could be spent on something else.
9. So is regret. Regret nothing.
10. Boys will call you names. Don’t believe what they say. Those boys are idiots.
11. Take a chance on everything. There is no such thing as a sure thing.
12. Treat yourself often.
13. The hole that pee comes out of is different than the hole the tampon goes into.
14. Taking your temperature in your butt really isn’t any more accurate than taking it in your mouth. Seriously moms, cut this shit out.
15. It doesn’t matter if your outfit matches, the fashion police aren’t real.
16. If you let someone take naked photos of you, keep the negatives.
17. Everyone wants something from you. This isn’t always a bad thing.
18. Be proud of who you are and where you’re from.
19. Fashion is the easiest way to express yourself.
20. Being the topic of conversation isn’t always a bad thing.
21. I can’t fight for shit.
22. One day you’ll be proud when people say you look like your mom/dad.
23. Your body is awesome, even when it isn’t.
24. So is your face.
25. You need to work on yourself every day. You will never be finished.
26. Stop trying to kill yourself. One day it will work and then you’re fucked.
27. If he loves you, he will love all of you. Even your body hair. Unless it’s on your face or nipples, then you’re pushing your luck.
28. Be nice. You don't know everyone's struggle.
29. You can never change anyone. Ever. Don’t even try.
31. The hurt always goes away. At least enough for you to function again.
30. Listen
31. Learn as much as you can. Never stop wanting to know stuff.
32. It’s OK to not know what you want to do with your life at 18 or at 65.
33. It’s never OK to be unemployed if you are able bodied.
34. Give more love than you get, it’s not about getting.
35. Masturbation is totally normal and fun.
36. It’s OK to be scared of old people, just don’t ignore them.
37. Never let anyone make you feel bad about your choices.
38. You can feel bad about your own choices, but just choose better next time.
39. Read a lot.
40. Invest in a good winter coat.
41. Manners do not come as standard.
42. Be patient with those who don’t come equipped.
43. Having bad taste in music does not mean you’re not cool.
44. No one thing will ever define you.
45. You have to work for everything you want
46. No one will ever love you as much as you love yourself.
47. Speak loudly and speak often, but don’t speak over anyone.
48. Do better tomorrow.
49. Wear whatever the fuck you want.
50. Never play games with people.
51. If you think people are playing games with you, stop playing.
52. Cut your hair however you want.
53. Take care of your body. You only get one.
54. Get piercings in places that won’t visibly scar in later life.
55. Almost everything can be undone with an apology.
56. It’s only a mistake for as long as it takes you to fix it.
57. Listen
58. Invest in quality underwear.
59. Being judgemental is douchey, but if your friends are being assholes tell them.
60. If they don’t matter to your journey, stop walking with them.
61. Be kind to all animals. Even the ones who look like they are zombies.
62. You don’t need a wedding ring.
63. Family is important, but they may not always be the most important.
64. Travel and be affected by what you see.
65. Target is better than Wall-Mart.
66. Fast food is actually disgusting, unless it’s Taco Bell.
67. Know when to stop trying with people.
68. Do something.
69. If you have extra money, give it away to those who need it more than you.
70. Loneliness has nothing to do with how many friends you have.
71. People will try to make you part of their family, it’s OK to feel weird about that.
72. Wait until your 20’s to have a bunch of irresponsible sex.
73. Red lipstick does not look great on everyone. It can make your teeth look hideously yellow.
74. You will only ever quit smoking when you want to.
75. Always tell the truth. If you accidentally lie, admit it and correct yourself.
76. You don’t have to talk about your emotions, you do have to feel them.
77. Only argue about things really worth arguing about.
78. Don’t begrudge anyone their success, go make you own.
79. Know where you stand.
80. No one is just one thing.
81. You don’t have to have children.
82. Your past does not have to dictate your future.
83. If you love something, do it. You don’t have to be good at it.
84. Leggings are not pants.
85. Never fight over a boy.
86. Moving is not running away.
87. When you visit another country, try to speak the language. TRY.
88. Choose a partner who doesn’t just approve of what you want to do, they encourage it.
89. You do not have to choose just one religion.
90. Always evolve, keep moving.
91. Call your dad every week.
92. Be a feminist and know what that means.
93. Have more jewellery than shoes. Accessories make the outfit.
94. Keep reaching out to people who are worth the effort. We are all busy.
95. Don’t take yourself too seriously.
96. Someone else’s truth might not be yours, it doesn’t mean they are wrong.
97. Eat well.
98. Learn to love the taste of beer.
99. Stop expecting/wanting people to be more like you.
100. If we all liked the same shit life would be very boring.
101. Everyone on this planet is just trying to do the best that they can. Remember that, but don't expect people to have the same consideration for you.
I love my mom and I miss her every day. I have no idea if she'd be proud of the person I've become, but I am a part of her and a part of her will always be with me. Her laugh, her smile, the good stuff. I am thankful for the memories and for her all of her amazing words and influence up until the time she got sick. Hug your moms today people, and give her one from me too.
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