Whilst I was away in the land of doughnuts and processed cheese-like foods I was alerted to the fact that Miley Cyrus had put out another questionable video. This video was likened to a sex tape and I was informed there was nipple. I vowed to not watch until I returned home for fear it may upset the rest of my night which was forecast to include karaoke, shots and my best friend, but alas; I am only flesh and blood so I gave in and watched.
Indeed Ms. Cyrus' nipples are on show, but hey, we've all got them and if they belong to you I believe you can do with them what you wish: get em out, cover them with chocolate, or electrical tap, pierce them, pastie them...you get the idea. I'm open minded. Aside from the nipple exposure there is an awful lot of lip flapping and writhing around on a bed under a sheet. Nothing shocking here. I think what makes people uncomfortable is the idea that Miley is masturbating. That she's under those sheets with her camcorder, showing her vagina to the lens and actually enjoying it.
Masturbation is a funny thing. We all do it, and if I'm wrong about that, then we all should. When talking about male masturbation most people appear feel comfortable, even jovial. We use insults like 'jerk off' and 'wanker' that we bat around all the time and no one cringes. We laugh. Shows like The Inbetweeners and The Big Bang Theory use male masturbation as a punchline for many a joke. However, I'm yet to see an episode where Penny and Bernadette joke about flicking the bean. When you start to talk about female masturbation; noses wrinkle and the heavy protestations begin. According to society: male masturbation is funny and natural and female masturbation is gross and shameful.
I'm quite open about my solo activities and I have to admit, it makes me very sad to see the people I love and hold dearest disgusted byt the mere thought of touching themselves. Within my group of friends I'm trying to single handedly (ha!) normalize an activity that for many of them is foreign and not to be considered. 'But I have a boyfriend' is the most common rebuttal for my probing questions about probing one's one genitalia. My response is always the same: 'Aaaaaaaand'? Masturbation should not be something you resort to as a last option, it should be something you enjoy as another option. I also have a husband and that sure doesn't stop me. Why should it? Not only lonely women masturbate.
Now I'm not all about standing over a mirror and getting out the speculum. I don't feel that as a woman you have to dissect your vagina to understand it or to enjoy it. However, I think you need to know it. The orgasms you have with a partner are so incredibly different to the ones you have solo. The orgasms you have using a vibrator are different from the ones you have using your hand or the faucet (the best one). So don't you owe it to yourself to try out and experience as any different kinds of orgasms as possible? I say you do. According to me: denying yourself pleasure that hurts no one is one of the greatest tragedies of life. And this is one of those times when I happen to be right.
As well as getting your hands dirty yourself, let's also stop being nasty to those who are happy to talk about masturbation and to do it. The reason I am a Miley fan is I truly believe she is a feminist. She is putting her body out there every day to be ridiculed, to be judged and no matter how many people 'slut shame' her she continues to do it irrespective of who feels uncomfortable about it, because she doesn't. She owns her body, so she can do with it what she pleases and I think that's a beautiful thing. If her video encourages more young women to masturbate then I fully support her as should all of us.
The reason I believe so many women have an issue with this particular video is because they don't like to be confronted by a woman taking control of her own sexuality. Taking control of it so much she (gasp) doesn't even need someone else to validate the idea that she is a beautiful, sexual being and the reality is that none of us need that. We just think we do and maybe it's going to be the girls of Miley's generation who break the cycle of disgust and shame. I certainly hope so.
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