1. A wedding doesn't have to cost a fortune
Anyone spending more than £3,000 on a wedding is crazy. Taking out a loan or saving for years for one day of your life isn't practical. Think of all the handbags you could purchase with £12,000, all the amazing vacations you could take or, fuck it, all the Cinnabons you could buy! Seriously, though, you want to enjoy your marriage and the biggest reason for newly married couples to fall out is over money. Don't start your marriage in debt and resenting each other. It won't end well.
2. It is your day
Everyone will want a piece of you and want to dictate some of your wedding details. From the guest list to the dress, everyone wants to have a say. Don't let them. You haven't spoken to creepy Uncle Alan in years. He doesn't need an invite. Your mom doesn't like the idea of a Swing band and wants a DJ? Fuck her, it's not her wedding. You want to get married by Elvis, but your Maid of Honor thinks that's gauche? Screw her and get The King on speed dial, this is your day to get married to the man you're into. Do it your way or you'll regret it.
3. Dictating gifts is tacky
If you've been together ages and don't need much, the people who know you will get that and give you cash. Those who are so out of the loop, they think you've gotten this far into adulthood without being able to toast bread probably shouldn't be invited, but if they are, accept their toaster with a smile. Don't be an asshole and don't expect or demand people pay for your honeymoon. Ew.
4. Pick the people you want in your bridal party
No one gives a shit if your second cousin Mabel asked you to be a bridesmaid in 1995. You don't have to return that gesture. Pick people you love and who will support you, not compete with you or make you feel shit.
There's always some twatty friend you've had since high school who ruins your fun by trying to dictate the dress she wants to wear or by refusing to walk down the aisle with your grabby step-dad. You don't need that. You need people by your side who will rally. People who will wrap you in cling film when your dress won't zip up the morning of, or who will fix your makeup when the girl you hired makes you look like a rodeo clown whore.
I know that I'm generalising here, but in my experience and the experience of all my other married friends, this has been the case. Don't get frustrated about it, just accept it and move on. His reluctance to get involved with the flower arrangements doesn't mean he doesn't love you. His reticence to write his own vows says nothing about your relationship, he'll do it. Eventually. And those vows will be beautiful and touching and make you have ugly crying face in many of your photos. His lack of interest in planning a wedding does not reflect his level of interest in you.
6. No one cares about decorations or favours
Your guests are there to celebrate the love you and your partner have for each other, not to get free shit. I find that if you have a chocolate fountain, no one ever complains or looks dissatisfied the whole damn day.
If you piss away money on little magnets with your faces on them, don't be upset when most of them get left behind at the venue. Spent £1000 on flowers? Guess what? You have to take them all home with you and watch your hard earned money die in your front room. Look for other organic and inexpensive alternatives, your wedding will still be increds.
7. Your dress, your rules
If you take your mom, then take no more than one other person dress shopping with you and take your most fashionable friend. Dress shopping is stress shopping. If you find something you love, get it. You have to wear it and love it. If you feel amazing in it, you look great too. Hell, if you're anything like me, your partner won't have seen you in a dress many other times, so it will be special no matter what.
Don't want to wear a dress? Who the fuck says you have to? Wear that Velvet jumpsuit with pride and rock down that aisle. You look fabulous.
8. Someone will lose their damn mind at your wedding
A member of my bridal party sexually molested another member after she threw a tantrum and bled all over her dress trying to dry-shave her legs in the sink. At my friends' wedding reception, the venu shut down and we all got kicked out because two of the other guests were doing drugs in the bathroom. At another friend's wedding, a mutual friend got so drunk she lay on the floor screaming 'when's it my turn?'
I say this, not to scare you, but to warn you. This shit happens and it's best you just get the hell away from it as fast as you can. Have good people around you who will insulate you from the insanity of some of your guests. Weddings do weird shit to people.
9. Remember what the day is about
Whether you have 150 people at your wedding or you elope and it's just you two, remember that the wedding is a celebration of your union. It's whatever the hell you want it to be, but it should be yours. Turning into Bridezilla whilst planning and trying to get through the day is a tragedy. Keep it fun and awesome, like you two and everything will be fine.
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